Writing here again, after quite a while, is like going back to a secret garden or a rabbit hole where I can be all by myself, surrounded by my little thoughts and treasures.
I have been deep in thought since Wednesday and my fingers have brought me here to this good ‘ol place of mine as I want to pour some of those ponderings in writing. Living life in the real world is a rush and getting caught up in all its activities made me unable to be here as often as I did before. Things have changed and things are still constantly changing. And I’m in the middle of it all.
Here I am now though, pausing and curling up in this cubbyhole, with a cup of hot chocolate by my side.
It just came back to me that when a boy and a girl become committed to each other, they only start their life as we from the time they establish the commitment. Before all that, they have been leading separate lives, making separate choices, and having separate social circles. If life brought them together somehow by being in the same place at the same time and the moment was already right for them to be together, then that is where it all begins. But until then, they experienced different things and learned (or didn’t) lessons from their mistakes and others’. And that is where I am simply in awe. For if a man in his twenties meets a young lady in her twenties (or whatever age they might be in, no matter how large or small the gap between their ages is) and they find that their footsteps match and that their hands fit perfectly together, that still does not erase the fact that they were living without each other for one-third of their lives (assuming that they will live until about 70 to 75 years old). And there is no way for either of them to truly ever fully know how the other has lived before they became that we. On why he does this and why he made these decisions, on why he likes these things and doesn’t like those other things, on why he views life this way and why he stumbles through it. On why she thinks it should be this way and why she believes in these things, on why these make her happy and those make her tick, on why she remains hopeful despite everything and why she lives so fully even without knowing. The why’s are just the beginning and right behind them are the how’s, who’s, what’s, and where’s that come tumbling and rolling one after the other, most of them unanswered. For when they begin being the we, a whole new set of experiences and lessons are thrown their way, making them grow not only as an I and you but also as a we.
Yet this does not mean that the past – being a separate I and you – will not matter anymore. It will always do for the beliefs and values they have formed will forever affect the way they live forward.
So with this, my musings have led me to want to know as much of the past of the other, if the other is as willing to share it for while I may never know everything, I may at least catch a glimpse of his life before I became a part of it. And perhaps in that glimpse, I may at least understand him a bit better, if not fully. I too, would of course be sharing the same.
I wonder if it will ever be possible to know another this way – to be that open and brave to strip oneself of every layer of one’s skin and show it to another.