I have one of those big dreams that one can say to be too unrealistic, considering my circumstances. Yet I continue to hope that I would be given a chance, no matter how little the possibilities may be.
You may tell me that all the hindrances are just in my head and that nothing is impossible. That if I really wanted it, then I should just go for it. That even if I do not succeed the first time, I should just try and try again. Believe me, I would if I could. Then what is stopping you? You might ask. My height. What? Yes, my height.
One of my big dreams is to become a model. With my 5 ft height, we both know that my dreams have already been crushed even before I could even begin to reach them.
I was not always interested in these things. Back in elementary, I didn’t care much about how I looked or how I dressed. I didn’t have a lot of clothes but I didn’t mind. My mom was usually the one who fussed over my outfit because she wanted me to always look presentable whenever and wherever. My hair was always so messy and she would tell me to comb it or put a headband to keep it in place.
High school was the turning point. Maybe it was the hormones and all the mental and physical changes happening to me that sparked everything. I started becoming interested in clothes and fashion and nail polish. I cared more about how I looked and I began to like shopping. Because I used my own money, I saved some of my allowances and of course all those cash gifts I get from relatives and parents during birthdays and Christmases.
From my interest in fashion came my interest in modeling. It was in college when I slowly started to really develop my own sense of style, if I may call it that. Maybe it was also because of how the fashion industry is evolving now. As I began college, people started becoming more and more adventurous with their outfits. Fashion designers really made statements and mass production came into play, adapting their designs and making it more wearable into everyday fashion. It was not all shirts and jeans anymore. Fashion has become more open now, where people are allowed to express who they really are through what they wear.
My clothes went through a lot of changes throughout my four years in college. With my changing tastes, I developed one for modeling. I guess the shoots my friends and I had kind of influenced it. Dressing up and posing for the camera just for fun was what you could hardly call modeling but it was what began everything. I noticed that I could actually project on-cam and that I had fun doing it – transforming myself and portraying a role of another. It is like acting for me, but instead of saying everything through your mouth, you speak with your eyes and express with your body. And all that has to be captured once the camera clicks away. It was very creative for me. And I, with my personality, like creating very much.
The bonus to that was the chance to wear wonderful clothes and model them in front of the camera. I would not mind not being able to keep the clothes especially when I already have the photos that immortalized that moment when I was actually wearing those great designs. Haha. I know my reasons sound so simple but I think that if I were a model, it would not seem so much like work for me. Even with all the stress behind the curtains of fashion week, I would still be able to enjoy it at the end of the day. I think the modeling industry here in my country is not as pressuring as those in others. I haven’t really heard stories from models who did not like their job. Here, I think they do it because they have the passion for it.
I have this little daydream where I would be the smallest supermodel to grace the runway. That is until more follow suit. That it would only start with one person and slowly, society would transform their perspectives on what it is truly to be a model. That height or size should not matter.
For me, modeling should serve as an inspiration to others. It should not just be for the tall skinny ones. It should be open for all shapes and sizes. Models are the people you see in your magazines, portraying beauty and glamour. It should be more than that, it should be about feeling wonderful about yourself because you is kind, you is smart, you is important, and you are beautiful, no matter what. Those we see in our ads and magazines and tv are the people we aspire to be. If modeling was used as an instrument to spark confidence to every person out there, then people need not be afraid to be who they are. They don’t have to conform on what they see in print and/or tv. In a sense, people will feel empowered and encouraged and I believe that would be a beautiful thing.
A girl can dream, eh?