Frankly, I need rest

During my sophomore year in college (wow, the way I say it seems like it’s been so long ago when I’m simply in my junior year now.  Ha!), I painted this on my very eco-friendly bag called katsa to support the environmental organization of my school. My friend was a member so together, we designed our bags. She actually outlined the letters for me first and then I began to paint the whole bag blue except for the letters. Then I placed yellow stars which were not so bright because I painted them over the blue background. 

That little sentence actually has two meanings. The more obvious one is that when people see it and ask me why I put that there, I’ll simply say it’s because the stress from all the demands of schoolwork has made me so exhausted that all I want and all I need is simply rest. Of course in my university, that is quite rare. Then we have the second meaning which is somehow actually the real meaning behind it. Notice the two words written in bold letters? They are actually very close to the names of my two crushes that time. Haha! I cannot believe myself either. I was younger then than I am now though I am not sure if that counts as an excuse. (I was 17 then turning 18 during that time!)*

However, the title of this post was inspired by this bag of mine because I am currently sleepy and quite ready to crawl onto my bed and doze off to dreamland. I was supposed to actually but I decided to share something with my mom first which got us into a conversation. When it was over, I was not exactly into “sleeping mode” anymore. It just got me thinking and writing in my (private) diary. And now, I ended up here. 

My mom – how to begin? She’s really wonderful and awesome and the best mom anyone could ever have (believe me) and she is my best friend. I tell her everything (well almost everything – I still leave some little things to myself of course) and we are very close. Aside from this though, one thing that she truly really is is that she’s frank. Or maybe we can use the word honest – like super duper honest that she’ll tell you everything straight to the point, no flowery words, no blah blah blahs. She tells you directly and that is it. 

It is a good thing sometimes and a good thing all the time in my case (specifically for me) because I just need a good smack right in the face without really inflicting any physical pain. But it hurts really bad because it stings. However, the sting eventually goes away and it does not really leave a bruise. It just allows me to think about what’s she said and see if there’s any truth to it. Most of the time, it’s all truth. What she tells me about myself is correct. These things I do not see because many things about ourselves are unknown to us. They only become known to us through others because they see traits or actions or habits or mannerisms or whatever stuff in us that we ourselves do not notice. We need others to point it out to us. 

BAM! Just like that. It surprises us. It hurts our egos because what other people tell us is actually true and it’s a little… well, it’s very difficult for us to admit it. 

So yes, my mom is like that. She does not go around in circles or tries to break it off to me gently. She just says it and then I am speechless or I try to defend myself. Haha. At first I do not think that what she says is true but in the end, she is actually right. Believe me though, I do not always like her extreme honesty towards me. There are times when I just wish she would simply try to tell me in a nicer way – in the nicest way she could muster.

However, we all have different personalities and it just so turns out that her personality is very outspoken while the kind I prefer would be sweet with sugar-coating on top. So I try to understand – it’s difficult I admit. I call out to the Lord so that He will help me understand, so that He will be the understanding in me. I need it too – her frankness. I need it because she is right when she said that she is my balance. Without her I might still be living without knowing that things are already going wrong. 

So I guess in the end, I am still thankful because her honesty is still for my own good.

With that, I end my post with the design on the other side of my katsa bag,

*PS. Students start college here at the very early age of 16 so we usually graduate by the time we reach 20. Things are about to change though because the government decided to add two more years to the educational system of the country to make it easier for graduates to find opportunities abroad.

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